Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize