I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
