Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
