I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
