Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's shark week go big or go home
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
