what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
