Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
whose parrot is this?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
