wanna go halves on a baby?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
