I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
