My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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