You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
