Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
