I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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