good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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