Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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