Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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