I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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