No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
