My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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