Swine flu is the new snow day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
