Small penises have feelings too.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
