i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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