NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
