Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
