genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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