I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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