By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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