You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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