how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
