Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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