It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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