tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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