im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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