Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize