if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
