if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
