if you like me you must not know who I am
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
