and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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