my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
