Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
