are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
