Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
