What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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