I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
