Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
