I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
