threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
