do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
