When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
