wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize