Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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