What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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