I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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