I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
