Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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