You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
there is puke in my bra ... again
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
