your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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