he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize