i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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