she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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