And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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