He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize