Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
